Why You Need a Third Place (Especially Now)
Because home and work aren’t enough...
We live in a world where the roles we play have swallowed the spaces we need.
Home is where we try to rest.
Work is where we try to matter.
But where do we go to breathe?
Enter: the Third Place.
Coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, a third place is somewhere that isn’t home or work. A neutral zone. A coffee shop, a climbing gym, a book club, a boxing studio, a barbershop, a dog park.
A place where you show up not as someone's parent, partner, or coworker -
but as yourself.
In today’s fragmented, post-pandemic, AI-filtered world - where every scroll reminds us we’re behind, and every “ping” interrupts the stillness we’re starving for - the third place isn’t just a luxury.
It’s necessary.
Most of the responders I work with can name their station and station problems in detail. But if I ask them where they go to feel human again, I get blank stares.
That’s not their fault.
It’s systemic.
We’ve been conditioned to:
Hustle harder
Handle it ourselves
Haul our emotional bodies into the next day like they didn’t just get gutted the day before
So we default to pseudo-relief:
→ Doom scrolling
→ Numbing habits
→ The fifth rewatch of The Office at 2am because we’re too wired to sleep and too empty to feel
But a true third place is different.
It doesn’t fix you.
It grounds you.
It’s where your nervous system exhales.
Where you remember what it feels like to be off duty without being off purpose.
And most importantly - it’s where you get what every responder needs to grow:
Camaraderie to feel safe.
Confrontation to stay sharp.
Without camaraderie, you isolate.
Without confrontation, you stagnate.
The third place gives you both.
It’s not therapy. It’s not hustle.
It’s a space for you to be you.
What makes a good third place?
It feels low-pressure.
It’s consistent enough to build familiarity, but flexible enough for your schedule.
It includes people who see you, not just your uniform or your performance.
And most of all? It gives you space to breathe.
If you’ve been spinning in survival lately, ask yourself this:
Where do I go that’s not trying to fix me, judge me, or make me produce?
Start there.
Then keep showing up.